Lost

I keep asking myself a question that I can't rightfully answer. I mean I can, but its obviously biased. When I ask my friends the same question I ask myself, for some reason, I don't trust their answers. I don't know why either. I messaged this to my best friend earlier today:

Just on a run. I'm trying to collect my thoughts. But for the first time in my life, I actually feel lost. Like I don't know much at all about anything or anyone. I've been sitting in the middle of a soccer field trying to think and I can't figure out a place to start. It's like I'm a passenger on my own bus and I hate everything I see out the window. My phones dying. I'm gonna run back home. Thanks for letting me write this.

Ever feel like you're gifts, features, traits, physical and mental, are just being used by your family, friends and coworkers for their benefit...and you're strung along to think that you mean more to them than you actually do?

I'm not even sure where I'm going with this. I started writing hoping a few thoughts would align for me here. Instead, this is just another empty thought floating in my head with several others.

I'm lost. I'm in a tailspin. These thoughts are taking up a large portion of my days and even more of my nights. I'm trying to put this puzzle together, but these thoughts, these pieces don't seem to fit...and I don't trust anyone to ask for help.