In honor of The Dark Knight Rises and my love for Hockey, I created this parody. Hope you enjoy!
After
hearing about Weber’s offer sheet, David Poile collapsed and was taken to a
nearby hospital. Holmgren decided to pay him a visit.
Poile,
is tied to a Hospital gurney for his own safety and tries to attack Holmgren as
he enters the room.
Holmgren: Hiiii...You know...I don’t want
there to be any hard feelings between us David. When you and uhhh...uhhh...
Poile: WEBER!
Holmgren: Right...when you and Weber were
negotiating, I was sitting in Ed Snider’s bouncy castle. I didn’t offer him a
contract.
Poile: Your idea, your plan...
Holmgren: Do I really look like a guy with
a plan? You know what I am? I'm a jock chasing girls, but I never know what to
offer them, you know, I just... offer things. Richards had plans, Carter had
plans, Suter & Parise had plans. You know, they're schemers. Schemers
trying to control their hockey teams. I'm not a schemer. I try to show the
schemers how pathetic their attempts to win a Stanley Cup really are. So, when
I say... Ah, come here.
(He takes Poile’s hand into his own)
(He takes Poile’s hand into his own)
Holmgren: When I say the offer sheet to Shea Weber was nothing personal, you know that I'm telling the truth. It's the schemers that put you where you are. You were a schemer, you had plans for a cup, and look where that got you.
(Poile tries to grab Holmgren.)
Holmgren: I just did what I do best. I took your little plan and I turned it on itself. Look what I did to Nashville with Ed’s money & a ridiculous offer sheet. Hmmm? You know... You know what I've noticed? Nobody panics when things go "according to plan." Even if the plan is horrifying! If, tomorrow, I tell the press that, like, Penner will pull his back eating pancakes, or Burke will mortgage the future for Kessel, nobody panics, because it's all "part of the plan." But when I say I’m going to offer Shea Weber $110 million over 14 years, well then everyone loses their minds!
(Holmgren hands Poile four 1st round picks.)
Holmgren: Introduce a little anarchy. Upset Bettman’s CBA, and everything becomes chaos. I'm the GM of chaos. Oh, and you know the thing about chaos? It got me Ilya!
(still
holding the four 1st round picks, Poile pauses and turns to
Holmgren)
Poile: You want Weber?
Poile: You want Weber?
Holmgren: Mm-hmm.
Poile: We’re matching
Holmgren: S**t! I’ll offer Scott Hannan, Weber’s deal.
Here's the link to my favorite scene from Dark Knight. I hope TDKR lives up to the hype. Enjoy your weekend everyone.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pfmkRi_tr9c
